The Power in No

Last week we discussed saying YES to ourselves, adventures and possibilities. Conversely, this week I want to discuss the power in saying no. No to people and things that do not serve us. Most of us should say no more often we do. We should set healthy boundaries and protect ourselves. But the reality is, we often don't for fear of confrontation or being judged. 

I recently got triggered AF by someone. You know that person…the one who knowingly or unknowingly pushes all of your buttons. For me, it's that person who takes, takes, and takes some more; that person who has no regard for anyone else. They're the only person that matters and you just need to accept that (at least that's how it feels).

In hindsight, I know what I should have done. I should have pulled the person aside and had a conversation. I should have set healthy boundaries and clear expectations. I should have done this to protect my space and the space of others. However, I did not...

What I have learned through all of this, including London and some other recent circumstances, is that I need time to process; I need quiet and space. I need to feel into the situation. I can be great on the fly and in the moment, but for the bigger life opportunities and challenges, I need time to feel into what's right for me. 

While I may regret not having spoken up in the moment, this time to process has given me the opportunity to reflect on the situation and prepare for how I will handle it the next time it occurs, whether it be this same person or another. I've had time to look inward and reflect on what thoughts and feelings occurred in the moment that held me back. 

I think it's as hard to start saying yes to adventure and possibility as it is to say no to people, places and things that no longer serve us. Both challenge us, both can take us out of our comfort zone, both can include uncomfortable feelings and conversations, both are a muscle we need to build. Through all of these situations, we are building resistance and strengthening those muscles. We are finding our way, learning how to communicate better, learning how to communicate our needs and wants. They are simply stepping stones on our journey.  

I talked about boundaries in April and ended the blog with some resources. I am going to include them here again, because they are both extremely valuable and helpful. 

During my first session with my energy healer, she introduced me to the sway test. If you've never heard of this, look it up. It's remarkable! 

When you are faced with a difficult decision or something is weighing heavy on your heart, try this and feel into what your soul is trying to communicate to you. 

1. Stand tall, relax and let your arms hang at your side in a quiet space
2. Think about the issue at hand or ask a question that’s weighing on your heart

If your soul/subconscious is in alignment (AKA Yes) you will sway forward. ​If it's not in alignment (AKA No), you will sway backward.

There's also a great book called Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life. 

Here's to another week of living your life by design, not by default!