Boundaries

Lately, I've witnessed a few good friends get caught in confrontational situations. On each of these encounters, the situation had become escalated simply because they had not spoken up and communicated clear boundaries early on. 

When we don't set healthy boundaries, we become victim to expectations and those unspoken expectations can lead to the demise of any relationship. Think back to a time when you had a disagreement with someone. Did that disagreement occur due to the fact that one of you had expectations for the other that were never communicated?

It happens all the time. We are often too fearful of losing that person to speak up. This happens in business all the time too. You don't want to lose that client/customer, so you just go along with it. But the reality is, the other person has no idea, so there is no way they can meet you halfway. Which leaves us in a no-win situation. You end up getting upset or feeling resentful toward that person, when really they have done nothing wrong. By you not speaking up, you have made them the villain, but you're the one who's put yourself in this predicament. 

Have you ever paid attention to who makes you the most anxious? Chances are, it's the person you feel has certain expectations for you, but you are too afraid to speak up and set boundaries for yourself or the relationship.

Here’s a harsh dose of reality though, people will continue to take advantage until you speak up. Read that again!

You can continue to suffer in silence, be stressed out, anxious and become resentful OR…you can learn the practice of saying no, communicating clearly and setting healthy boundaries. It takes strength and the willingness to be vulnerable and at times uncomfortable. 

In having these discussions, I have often found the person didn’t even realize how I was feeling because I had never spoken up. Having a simple conversation and setting some ground rules not only rectified the issue, but it also strengthened our relationship.

I work with an amazing energy healer and during our first session, she had me do the sway test. If you've never heard of this, look it up. It's remarkable! 

When you are faced with a difficult decision or something is weighing heavy on your heart, try this and feel into what your soul is trying to communicate to you. 

1. Stand tall, relax and let your arms hang at your side in a quiet space
2. Think about the issue at hand or ask a question that’s weighing on your heart

If your soul/subconscious is in alignment (AKA Yes) you will sway forward.
​If it's not in alignment (AKA No), you will sway backward.

There's also a great book called Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life. 

Here's to another week of living your life by design, not by default!