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LIVE BY DESIGN, NOT DEFAULT
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Last week we discussed saying YES to ourselves, adventures and possibilities. Conversely, this week I want to discuss the power in saying no. No to people and things that do not serve us. Most of us should say no more often we do. We should set healthy boundaries and protect ourselves. But the reality is, we often don't for fear of confrontation or being judged.
I recently got triggered AF by someone. You know that person…the one who knowingly or unknowingly pushes all of your buttons. For me, it's that person who takes, takes, and takes some more; that person who has no regard for anyone else. They're the only person that matters and you just need to accept that (at least that's how it feels). In hindsight, I know what I should have done. I should have pulled the person aside and had a conversation. I should have set healthy boundaries and clear expectations. I should have done this to protect my space and the space of others. However, I did not... What I have learned through all of this, including London and some other recent circumstances, is that I need time to process; I need quiet and space. I need to feel into the situation. I can be great on the fly and in the moment, but for the bigger life opportunities and challenges, I need time to feel into what's right for me. While I may regret not having spoken up in the moment, this time to process has given me the opportunity to reflect on the situation and prepare for how I will handle it the next time it occurs, whether it be this same person or another. I've had time to look inward and reflect on what thoughts and feelings occurred in the moment that held me back. I think it's as hard to start saying yes to adventure and possibility as it is to say no to people, places and things that no longer serve us. Both challenge us, both can take us out of our comfort zone, both can include uncomfortable feelings and conversations, both are a muscle we need to build. Through all of these situations, we are building resistance and strengthening those muscles. We are finding our way, learning how to communicate better, learning how to communicate our needs and wants. They are simply stepping stones on our journey. I talked about boundaries in April and ended the blog with some resources. I am going to include them here again, because they are both extremely valuable and helpful. During my first session with my energy healer, she introduced me to the sway test. If you've never heard of this, look it up. It's remarkable! When you are faced with a difficult decision or something is weighing heavy on your heart, try this and feel into what your soul is trying to communicate to you.
If your soul/subconscious is in alignment (AKA Yes) you will sway forward. If it's not in alignment (AKA No), you will sway backward. There's also a great book called Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life. Here's to another week of living your life by design, not by default!
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Have you ever felt like certain things in life just aren't in the cards for you? They're totally acceptable options for other people, but they're not meant for you. So due to this belief, you never pursue the possibility.
Last week I shared some pretty big news about traveling to London to speak and of course also explore. Update...I also just added 3 days in Ireland and am over the moon with excitement. I cannot wait for this trip! Only one month to go! The funny thing is, although I knew in my gut this trip was meant to be, when I booked the first flight to London my immediate subconscious thought was "things like this aren't meant for me". WHOA! Stopped me in my tracks and my eyes began welling up with tears. You see my Sister has had extraordinary adventures traveling all over the world; Ireland, Italy, Amsterdam, Australia, New Zealand, and more. While she was exploring the world, I was a full-time working single mother. Trips like that truly weren't an option at that time. But somehow that settled in as a belief, at least subconsciously. Which explains why, even though travel has been on my bucket list for some while, I haven't taken action. I mentioned in my last blog too that my initial reaction to this offer in March was no; I didn't even entertain the thought. Looking back, that was most likely due to this belief I had created. But here's the great news, I said YES! Yes to myself, yes to the possibilities, yes to the adventure and experiences YES YES YES. Once I was open, everything changed, my entire perspective opened up. I will carry this openness with me throughout the trip, leading to even more opportunities and experiences. You guys, I'm just a small town country girl from the PNW, a high school dropout who was told she would never amount to anything, a single mom who fought like hell to build a better life for her daughter. Everything I am and everything I have, I have built from scratch. I have come so far and yet my masterpiece is still in process. A couple resources that have helped me through this experience, there's a great book written by Shonda Rhimes called Year of Yes. In it she tells amazing stories of how, even as an extremely successful woman and mother, her entire world changed when she began saying yes. Then there's the wonder of body code work and energy healing. Traumas, beliefs, abandonment, PTSD, are all held in our body. Even if we have mentally and emotionally processed them, their energy still remains on a physical level. Some aren't even ours, they are passed down from previous generations through our DNA. I have an amazing energy healer and body code practitioner, Susan, and would gladly give you her info if you're interested. This adventure has only just begun and yet it has already taught me so much. If you take anything from this blog, please take this...every happiness, every adventure, every wonderful experience is meant for you. It just takes you being open to possibilities and willing to say YES. Here's to another week of living your life by design, not by default! Last week I shared with you my shitstorm of a week and how focusing on self-care helped me to bounce back. Well, as the saying goes "After every storm comes a rainbow".
Before I share what happened, I'd like to preface this by saying that only a month before on March 30th, I had received the same opportunity and turned it down. Now, I can't tell you exactly why, but for some reason at that time, I was unwilling to entertain the idea. Maybe it was my subconscious, maybe I was tired, maybe I was preoccupied with other things, I really can't say. All I do know is, the timing obviously wasn't right. However, only a month later on May 4th, when I received the same offer I was ALL IN! Ok, I'll spill the beans...next month I will be traveling to London to speak at the Public Speaker's Conference! This is an epic moment for me on so many levels. I've never left the West Coast or been on a flight longer than 3 hours. After my grandfather died in 2016, I got my first passport, but I have yet to use it. Travel has always been on my to-do list. I have friends who travel all the time and I think "awe, how nice would that be...", but I never actually take action. Then there's the fact that this audience is going to be over double what I'm used to. I've spent two decades of my life teaching and speaking publicly; however, it's always been with smaller, more intimate sized groups. This will definitely be a new personal best. But here's the reality, nothing good ever comes from your comfort zone. In 2015 when I received the job offer that moved me to Los Angeles, I initially said "no, I can't do that and here's all the reasons why..." and then after processing and feeling into it, that language changed to "why not?". I had no idea how small and comfortable I was living until I was willing to step away from my comfort zone and try something new. Fast forward...I absolutely love LA and my life has been radically transformed in the short 3.5 years I have lived here. All because I was willing to entertain the crazy idea. I can't wait to see what this trip to London brings! I know with absolute certainty that every single time I've stretched myself and was willing to get uncomfortable, everything changed and doors opened that I had never even dreamt of. Now, I'm not saying there was no fear, hesitation or worry. There most definitely was, but I was willing to step into the fear to see what was on the other side. This week, perform an audit of your life. Are you where you want to be in business, career, relationships, finances, love, spiritual connection, etc? Where can you level up your life? Where have you become complacent and too comfortable? What's not serving you that you are willing to let go of or step away from? Are you willing to take a leap through the fear and witness the magic unfold? If you want help doing this, you can download my free assessment and book a call with me to discuss the results. Just look for the Free Assessment w/Consultation button on my website. I'll leave you with this "Courage doesn't mean you don't get afraid. Courage means you don't let fear stop you." Bethany Hamilton Here's to another week of living your life by design, not by default! After what I would consider one of the most challenging weeks of my life, I find myself in reflection and gratitude. I won't bore you with all the details, but I was working a ton of hours on a critical consulting project and lacking sleeping, then throw in the anniversary of a dear friend's death, getting dumped and losing 4 days worth of work all in the same day.
I may be resilient and have thick skin, but we all have our limits and this debacle definitely crossed that threshold for me. While reflecting back on the week though, I am able to highlight some areas where I'm really proud of myself for how I handled the it all. My gut reaction was to lock myself inside like a hermit and work non-stop all weekend to recreate all the work I lost. However, I recognized, while busy work may keep my mind off things, it wasn't what my soul needed. If I wanted to bounce back, I needed connection, laughter and friends. So, instead I followed through on my weekend plans which included Saturday night at The Magic Castle in Hollywood and celebrating a friends's birthday on Sunday. For me, that was a huge win! The old me would have never prioritized me or self-care in times like this. I would have automatically withdrawn and gone into "fix-it mode", because it's easier than facing reality and sitting in all the feelings. I think sometimes life throws these curve balls at us so we can see how far we've come. It's a reminder that we're on the right path and we should continue to put in the work. I can tell you, none of this happened over night. I began my inner work seven years ago and, like everyone else, am still a wonderful work in progress. Our healing and transformation will never be done; we just face different challenges throughout time. Take a moment this week to reflect on some moments that really challenged you. How did you handle them? How did you heal/recover? Did you speak up for and/or prioritize yourself? What lessons did you learn? With this, I caution you to not obsess or overanalyze. That often leads down a rabbit hole of disappointment and shame. Instead, simply be self-aware recognizing your proudest accomplishments and where you still have some work to do. We often neglect to celebrate ourselves and our accomplishments. Plan something this week to pamper yourself. I scheduled a facial and scalp massage and cannot wait! <3 Here's to another week of living your life by design, not by default! |
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