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LIVE BY DESIGN, NOT DEFAULT
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I learned this lesson the hard way, not just once, but twice. When my daughter was 3 years old and again when she was 15, it took being on the verge of a complete breakdown for me to take a much needed break. Both times I was literally hanging by a thread at the point where not taking a break was no longer optional.
As a single mom living paycheck to paycheck there were 1,000+ reasons why I couldn't; time off work, who's going to watch her, don't have the money, it seems frivolous when funds are tight and on and on and on. I look back now and there were so many signs and so many missed opportunities to decompress, rejuvenate and fill my cup, but I was too in the thick of it to notice. Last weekend, my cousin who is a music teacher and a single mom with three kids, ages 15, 12 and 10, made it a priority and found a way to bring her two younger kids to LegoLand for a fun filled weekend. She used money from her tax return, scheduled red-eye flights Thursday night and Sunday morning, so she only had to take one day off work & it saved her money and made arrangements with a friend for her oldest. It was a whirlwind weekend, but they had a blast. I drove down to spend Saturday with them. We had an amazing day full of fun and belly laughs, at one point I had my cousin laughing so hard, she almost fell out of her bed. And the kids, they were smiling from ear to ear. At the end of the day, my cousin and I were lounging poolside while the kids swam reflecting on how so many parents, especially single parents, don't prioritize fun, play and vacation, but how necessary it is for the kids AND the parents. Then today, I receive a call from my Sister. She received an offer for a trip to Mexico that will barely cost her anything, but she can't decide what to do. Between the kids, her business, lack of time and money...she has every reason to regretfully decline. But, she called the wrong person lol! I wasn't about to let that happen. I love my sister dearly, I know how hard she works and I know how desperately she could use some relaxation and a good recharge. I went straight into problem solving mode, shooting down her invalid excuses and offering solutions for the valid ones. I am happy to report she will be taking a much needed vacation! You think you can't afford a vacation, but the reality is you can't afford not to! You can't hustle and grind every day with no self-care or fun. That is a recipe for disaster...or worse, a breakdown, which leaves you unable to care for those who rely on you. Instead of pushing yourself to the breaking point, learn from the lessons of my cousin, my sister and myself. I know my cousin went home a different and more whole person than when she came to California. I know my sister will return to her kids and business fully charged having left her overwhelm and stress in Mexico. Find a way, ask for help, be open to receiving and commit to making it happen. I promise, you will thank me later. :) Here's to another week of living your life by design, not by default!
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Lately my sister and I have been seeing repeated numbers. For her, it's 123. For me, it's 11:11. Then a friend told her about Angel Numbers. Neither of us can recall ever hearing of these before, so of course we automatically looked them up and WOW.
One, it's amazing what the Universe is trying to help us see. And two, it's truly remarkable how much your perspective changes when you're open and present. Once you see your message in a number a couple of times, you start seeing it all the time as a constant reminder. 123 "urges you to be faithful to your life purpose. Don't be distracted by things and people that keep you from working on your goals." At the time, my sister was feeling very distracted and overwhelmed. Unable to focus and manage her time in a way that was beneficial to her and her goals. 1111 "is a special message from your guardian angels indicating your ability to connect with the Ascended Masters in the angelic realm. It is your connection with the angelic realm, God, or Source Energy that determines your ability to manifest your desires and achieve your full potential." I have always been an empath and hypersensitive to energies. However, at times, I fail to listen to my own intuition and end up off track. For both of us, these numbers were sending us the exact message at the exact time we needed the reminder. It's also a reminder to me that the Universe is always trying to help us and show us the way. We just have to be open to receiving the message. Lately, while laying in bed winding down for the night, I receive some of my best downloads. I've realized I need to have a pen and paper on my nightstand so I can write them down. The few times I didn't, I was very upset that I could not recall them the next morning. For me, that quiet, peaceful time right before bed is when my inner voice is able to clearly communicate. There is no noise or chatter to drown it out. For others, it may be during meditation or yoga. The point is to find your time. When are you most open to receiving the messages? Where can you quiet the noise and chatter so as to hear the message? We all receive message in all sorts of ways...if we're open to hearing them. Here's to another week of living your life by design, not by default! The definition if self-awareness is "conscious knowledge of one's own character, feelings, motives and desires". For me, the key here is conscious. So many of us are not living in the present moment.
We've found ways to self-soothe/medicate, otherwise known as checking out. Your vice could be watching endless hours of TV, scrolling social media, staying at work late, etc. All of these are ways in which we check out or operate on auto-pilot. Not to say you're doing it purposefully, it's just simply become a habit. I cannot begin to count how many times I've seen a family out for a meal, all eating at the same table and every single person has one hand on their food/silverware and the other on their phone. It has become "normal" to not socialize with loved ones sitting right next to you. Being self-aware and present can help you break these habits. How about this, have you ever noticed you've ended up in the same situation or relationship yet again? You've started a new job or new friendship/relationship and at first it's great and then...deja vu! Self-awareness would call to your attention that the situation is not the problem, you are. You keep repeating old habits and patterns that lead you down that same old path. Until you become conscious and present, history will continue to repeat itself. It would be so much easier if we could simply point the blame to someone else. But how would that help us? We would continue to live an unhappy, unfulfilled life on auto pilot. Believe me, I know this all too well. I lived that life for years. My breakdown came after the loss of two loved ones. I am so grateful for them, the love and compassion they showed me while they were here and the lessons their deaths taught me. That breakdown led me to my breakthrough when I woke up to the harsh reality that I was not living my life. I was not present, I was unfulfilled and definitely unhappy. My practice of self-awareness has grown significantly over the years as I've healed old wounds, faced and forgiven traumas, worked with coaches and healers and learned to listen to my inner voice. But, it all started with ME. Me committing to being present. Me committing to being honest with myself. Me committing to doing the hard inner work. I had to first decide that auto pilot was no longer an option. Living an unfulfilled life was no longer acceptable. It was time to wake up, be conscious and live intentionally. Self-awareness was key in radically transforming my life. It helped me remain accountable to me and the commitments I had made to myself. Some may think it's easier to blame someone else, but I think it's easier when you know there is only one person with the power, and that person is YOU. Here's to another week of living your life by design, not by default! Ok, so let's be real. This is a tough one. Letting go of control, a relationship, safety and security to pursue your dream, and so much more. Letting go can be one of the toughest lessons we learn in life. Why? Because change and the unknown can be scary...but it doesn't have to be.
We hang onto all of this fear and anxiety over things we cannot control. As a recovering control freak, I have spent countless hours stressing over something that turned out just fine. For example, freaking out when I made the decision to leave Corporate to build my coaching business. I had no idea how I was going to pay my bills. What if I didn't make it? What if... But what about when it's someone else and completely out of your control. My daughter's father is an addict. Even though we were not together, there were still years of worry and sleepless nights. With multiple suicide attempts, car accidents, arrests and all the other things that come with addiction, I was scared to death that one day I would receive that fateful call and have to sit my daughter down for a heartbreaking conversation. That call never came, and yet that fear and anxiety still consumed me. So why did I choose to let the fear of what might happen have such power over me? I used to have severe anxiety when flying. I was convinced I was on the plane that was going down. Every sound and bump elevated my heart rate and raised my blood pressure. I had NO control! Or did I? I realized I was the only one who did have control...the power to let go of the things I cannot control. Making the decision to leave Corporate was a scary leap, but you know what, I am resourceful and a phenomenal problem solver, so of course I found a way. And these are things I know about myself, so there was no reason to allow the fear to consume me. For my daughter's father, the CDC estimates that 72,287 people died from overdoses in 2017; that's nearly 200 people each day. A sad, yet true fact, which is why helping recovering addicts is so near and dear to my heart. What control did I have? I chose to be a positive force in his life and keep open lines of communication, but ultimately accept that it's his life and his decision. If the plane is going down, the plane is going down. The only control I have in that scenario is to make sure my loved ones know how much they mean to me...before I get on the plane. Not to mention, statistically I am more likely to die in L.A. traffic on my way to the airport than I am on the plane lol. The point I'm trying to make with these examples is whether we have little control or no control, we need to let go. What will be, will be. That's life. But when we allow ourselves to be consumed by this fear and anxiety, we are missing out on being present and enjoying everything life has to offer; both the ups and the downs. We're also missing out on opportunities cause we're so hell bent on things going the way we want. We are telling the Universe that we can do it all on our own, no support necessary, we're a one man show and everything is under control. Is that really the message you want to be sending? Is that the kind of energy you want to be carrying around? Wouldn't you like to free yourself of these chains? This week I challenge you to complete this exercise:
You are not alone, reach out to your inner circle throughout this process. Open the door to an honest dialogue about the struggle of surrendering and letting go. I guarantee your friends can relate and you will all benefit from this exercise and the conversations that ensue. Here's to another week of living your life by design, not by default! |
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