How does that word make you feel? Does it trigger you, make your eye twitch, are you starting to sweat a little? For most people failure = negative. For me though, failure is positive. Failure means I am trying, and with trying comes learning and growing.

Now don't get me wrong, I have had failures knock me on my ass. The most painful failures I have experienced are related to motherhood and rooted deep in shame. They impacted me so greatly, because my entire identity was attached to being a mother. I had bought into the false pretenses that as a mother you must give up everything, including your own identity to be a good mom. Being the over-achiever that I am, I took this to a whole new level lol. I was so caught up in what I was supposed to be and upholding the image of "perfect mom" (which is total BS by the way) that I had some extremely low moments that involved ugly crying, curled up in the fetal position in bed. I also missed out on numerous opportunities, because I was playing it safe, staying small and comfortable.

Looking back, I could have avoided those moments if I had viewed failures in motherhood the same way I view failures in my career. In my career, I welcomed failure. Why? Because failure = opportunity, progress, growth. I was constantly trying new things, reflecting on the outcome and making the necessary tweaks to improve the next iteration. My identity was not attached to my career, which removed shame from the equation.

On the contrary though, I know people who have built their identity on their career, which makes it difficult for them to be willing to take risks that may have unfavorable results. Failure to them is essentially the same as putting their job on the line. Therefore, they play it safe and follow the rules so as not to stand out.

Take a moment to reflect on where shame and fear of failure is holding you back. Where are you staying small & comfortable to avoid those uncomfortable feelings? Where are you living according to image and expectations instead of boldly and unapologetically being you? Where could you step forward into your authentic self and release fear from the equation?
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Here's to another week of living your life by design, not by default!

Gratitude is something we hear talked about a lot, but when is the last time you consistently practiced it? I've caught myself numerous times taking things for granted, forgetting how blessed I am to be alive, have a loving family, a tribe of badasses, a roof over my head, nice clothes to wear, healthy food to eat, etc.

It's not that I don't appreciate those things, I truly do, but sometimes I forget to be grateful for all my blessings. Coming from a place of scarcity, I was always clawing and fighting for more. My self-worth came from my ability to work hard, hustle and grind. When I dropped out of high school at the age of 16, my mother and grandmother both told me I would never amount to anything without my high school diploma and college degree. When I became a single mom at the young age of 21, my mother and grandmother again were very critical and said I could never do it on my own and must marry the father. While those words hurt deeply at the time, I now know they were just scared for me and speaking their own limiting beliefs. But those words fueled me for years. It was "dirty fuel", but it lit a fire in me. I was bound and determined to prove them wrong and I did; I built a very successful 6-figure career in Corporate Training and Leadership with a GED and no college degree. However, it came at a cost.

While my focus was hell bent on proving them wrong, I never stopped to enjoy the journey. I was always aiming for my next move, but I was stressed out and overwhelmed. Why? Because there was never enough. I was never good enough and I didn't have enough nice things to show that I'd made it. It was just never enough. I needed more to prove myself.

Fast-forward to when my daughter moved out. I down-sized from a 1400 sq ft apartment to a 545 sq ft studio. It was time to purge, and boy was that therapeutic! I had to justify everything I was keeping and with that came a lot of letting go. Letting go of things that did not serve me that I had hung onto for far too long. It was quite an eye opening process.

The even bigger AHA moment was when I realized my beautiful studio was costing me so much more than $2,300/mo in rent. I was rent poor. I was having to work harder and hustle and grind even more just to afford to live there, which was cutting into my much needed personal time. Not to mention the people who lived there were not my kind of people. It was one of those places where no one says hello to you, not even when you're in the elevator together. For someone who says hello and smiles to everyone, that was awkward lol.

After learning these lessons, now I routinely ask myself, does this (person, job, thing, place, etc.) add value to my life? If yes, how so, can I quantify the value it brings? If not, is it time to let it go/move on?

The lessons learned? You can't force gratitude or abundance. You must be grateful for everything, big and small. This is why so many successful people practice gratitude daily. It truly does impact your life in immeasurable ways. Make it a habit to begin or end each day by writing down at least three things you are grateful for. And as for abundance, if you are striving for abundance with "dirty fuel", you will never truly achieve it. Abundance comes to those who are grateful. If you have a roof over your head, clothes to wear and food to eat, you need to recognize that you are already living in abundance. :)

John C. Maxwell wrote a great article in Success Magazine titled 6 Tips to Develop and Model an Abundance Mindset.
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Here's to another week of living your life by design, not by default!

What is your money mindset? Is it hindering you from reaching the financial wealth you dream of achieving? Are you not seeking wealth, but to just be "ok" or "financially secure"?

Think about this though...how many more people could you serve, how many lives could you impact if you were more than just ok financially. There are so many amazing charitable organizations that need our help, but if you're just ok, what level of impact are you able to have?

Like many, I grew up in a household of scarcity. There was never enough money. Add to that, my Dad did road construction, so every winter he was laid-off and we relied on welfare and food banks to survive. We often heard "money doesn't grow on trees", "there is not enough...", "you have to work hard to make money", "we can't afford that", etc. It influenced my childhood so greatly that I began working at the age of 12 and dropped out of high school at the age of 16 to work full-time.

One of the most impactful books I've read on this subject is Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker. In fact, it was so impactful that my sister and I are both currently reading it for the second time.

​“If your motivation for acquiring money or success comes from a non-supportive root such as fear, anger, or the need to ‘prove’ yourself, your money will never bring you happiness." ~ Secrets of the Millionaire Mind

The book is split up in two parts. The first beingYour Money Blueprint, focuses on how we are conditioned regarding money. It explains why we are who we are and our conditioned way of thinking. Part two, The Wealth Files teaches 17 Wealth Files about how rich people think, act and live. Then dives into our new way of thinking and how we should operate if we want to become rich.

This book opened my eyes to all the ways I was not receiving and how people and the universe stop offering when you consistently refuse to accept the offering. It truly is a life changing book!

A lot of us have also heard that "money is the root of all evil" and "rich people are selfish and/or assholes" or something to that effect. The reality though is that your character is still your character whether you have $$$ or not. If you're an asshole, you're still going to be an asshole when you have money. However, if you're a kind, loving and generous person, money will enable to give even more. Chris Harder's podcast For The Love Of Money calls attention to the reality that when good people make good money, they do great things! Check it out!

In my book The 40/40 Rules; Wisdom from 40 Women Over 40, one of the questions asked was: What is the best financial advice you have learned?
I will leave you with my closing response: My advice would be that you are enough; no material possession will ever prove your worth. Live beneath your means, so you are able to secure your future and give back.

​Here's to another week of living your life by design, not by default!