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How does that word make you feel? Does it trigger you, make your eye twitch, are you starting to sweat a little? For most people failure = negative. For me though, failure is positive. Failure means I am trying, and with trying comes learning and growing.
Now don't get me wrong, I have had failures knock me on my ass. The most painful failures I have experienced are related to motherhood and rooted deep in shame. They impacted me so greatly, because my entire identity was attached to being a mother. I had bought into the false pretenses that as a mother you must give up everything, including your own identity to be a good mom. Being the over-achiever that I am, I took this to a whole new level lol. I was so caught up in what I was supposed to be and upholding the image of "perfect mom" (which is total BS by the way) that I had some extremely low moments that involved ugly crying, curled up in the fetal position in bed. I also missed out on numerous opportunities, because I was playing it safe, staying small and comfortable. Looking back, I could have avoided those moments if I had viewed failures in motherhood the same way I view failures in my career. In my career, I welcomed failure. Why? Because failure = opportunity, progress, growth. I was constantly trying new things, reflecting on the outcome and making the necessary tweaks to improve the next iteration. My identity was not attached to my career, which removed shame from the equation. On the contrary though, I know people who have built their identity on their career, which makes it difficult for them to be willing to take risks that may have unfavorable results. Failure to them is essentially the same as putting their job on the line. Therefore, they play it safe and follow the rules so as not to stand out. Take a moment to reflect on where shame and fear of failure is holding you back. Where are you staying small & comfortable to avoid those uncomfortable feelings? Where are you living according to image and expectations instead of boldly and unapologetically being you? Where could you step forward into your authentic self and release fear from the equation? Here's to another week of living your life by design, not by default!
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Gratitude is something we hear talked about a lot, but when is the last time you consistently practiced it? I've caught myself numerous times taking things for granted, forgetting how blessed I am to be alive, have a loving family, a tribe of badasses, a roof over my head, nice clothes to wear, healthy food to eat, etc.
It's not that I don't appreciate those things, I truly do, but sometimes I forget to be grateful for all my blessings. Coming from a place of scarcity, I was always clawing and fighting for more. My self-worth came from my ability to work hard, hustle and grind. When I dropped out of high school at the age of 16, my mother and grandmother both told me I would never amount to anything without my high school diploma and college degree. When I became a single mom at the young age of 21, my mother and grandmother again were very critical and said I could never do it on my own and must marry the father. While those words hurt deeply at the time, I now know they were just scared for me and speaking their own limiting beliefs. But those words fueled me for years. It was "dirty fuel", but it lit a fire in me. I was bound and determined to prove them wrong and I did; I built a very successful 6-figure career in Corporate Training and Leadership with a GED and no college degree. However, it came at a cost. While my focus was hell bent on proving them wrong, I never stopped to enjoy the journey. I was always aiming for my next move, but I was stressed out and overwhelmed. Why? Because there was never enough. I was never good enough and I didn't have enough nice things to show that I'd made it. It was just never enough. I needed more to prove myself. Fast-forward to when my daughter moved out. I down-sized from a 1400 sq ft apartment to a 545 sq ft studio. It was time to purge, and boy was that therapeutic! I had to justify everything I was keeping and with that came a lot of letting go. Letting go of things that did not serve me that I had hung onto for far too long. It was quite an eye opening process. The even bigger AHA moment was when I realized my beautiful studio was costing me so much more than $2,300/mo in rent. I was rent poor. I was having to work harder and hustle and grind even more just to afford to live there, which was cutting into my much needed personal time. Not to mention the people who lived there were not my kind of people. It was one of those places where no one says hello to you, not even when you're in the elevator together. For someone who says hello and smiles to everyone, that was awkward lol. After learning these lessons, now I routinely ask myself, does this (person, job, thing, place, etc.) add value to my life? If yes, how so, can I quantify the value it brings? If not, is it time to let it go/move on? The lessons learned? You can't force gratitude or abundance. You must be grateful for everything, big and small. This is why so many successful people practice gratitude daily. It truly does impact your life in immeasurable ways. Make it a habit to begin or end each day by writing down at least three things you are grateful for. And as for abundance, if you are striving for abundance with "dirty fuel", you will never truly achieve it. Abundance comes to those who are grateful. If you have a roof over your head, clothes to wear and food to eat, you need to recognize that you are already living in abundance. :) John C. Maxwell wrote a great article in Success Magazine titled 6 Tips to Develop and Model an Abundance Mindset. Here's to another week of living your life by design, not by default! What is your money mindset? Is it hindering you from reaching the financial wealth you dream of achieving? Are you not seeking wealth, but to just be "ok" or "financially secure"?
Think about this though...how many more people could you serve, how many lives could you impact if you were more than just ok financially. There are so many amazing charitable organizations that need our help, but if you're just ok, what level of impact are you able to have? Like many, I grew up in a household of scarcity. There was never enough money. Add to that, my Dad did road construction, so every winter he was laid-off and we relied on welfare and food banks to survive. We often heard "money doesn't grow on trees", "there is not enough...", "you have to work hard to make money", "we can't afford that", etc. It influenced my childhood so greatly that I began working at the age of 12 and dropped out of high school at the age of 16 to work full-time. One of the most impactful books I've read on this subject is Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker. In fact, it was so impactful that my sister and I are both currently reading it for the second time. “If your motivation for acquiring money or success comes from a non-supportive root such as fear, anger, or the need to ‘prove’ yourself, your money will never bring you happiness." ~ Secrets of the Millionaire Mind The book is split up in two parts. The first beingYour Money Blueprint, focuses on how we are conditioned regarding money. It explains why we are who we are and our conditioned way of thinking. Part two, The Wealth Files teaches 17 Wealth Files about how rich people think, act and live. Then dives into our new way of thinking and how we should operate if we want to become rich. This book opened my eyes to all the ways I was not receiving and how people and the universe stop offering when you consistently refuse to accept the offering. It truly is a life changing book! A lot of us have also heard that "money is the root of all evil" and "rich people are selfish and/or assholes" or something to that effect. The reality though is that your character is still your character whether you have $$$ or not. If you're an asshole, you're still going to be an asshole when you have money. However, if you're a kind, loving and generous person, money will enable to give even more. Chris Harder's podcast For The Love Of Money calls attention to the reality that when good people make good money, they do great things! Check it out! In my book The 40/40 Rules; Wisdom from 40 Women Over 40, one of the questions asked was: What is the best financial advice you have learned? I will leave you with my closing response: My advice would be that you are enough; no material possession will ever prove your worth. Live beneath your means, so you are able to secure your future and give back. Here's to another week of living your life by design, not by default! In the words of Mary J. Blige "you gotta love yourself"! If you were to take an honest assessment right now, where would you rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 for self-love/confidence? Pause for a moment and think about that.
As women, we tend to be overly critical of ourselves. Couple that with all the images we see on TV and in magazines, all the cosmetic procedures and botox, not to mention social media, it's hard not to compare ourselves to others. But here's the reality...none of them are YOU! In her 2011 talk at TEDx San Francisco, Mel Robbins, author of The 5 Second Rule, mentioned that scientists estimate the probability of your being born at about one in 400 trillion. How crazy is that! You are a miracle and were uniquely designed! Like most people, for the majority of my life, I felt I wasn't enough. Wasn't smart enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, funny enough, etc. I could go on, but I know you understand where I'm going with this. In 2012, when I hit my rock bottom, I was also at my highest weight ever, unhappy & depressed and felt like a complete failure in all aspects of my life. Let me tell you, that's a hard place to come back from. It was a slow process, but my life is radically transformed because I took inspired action from that place of darkness. I would like to share with you some of the steps I took that led me to where I am today.
You are not alone! Let's start your journey NOW through my 7 Day Self-Love Challenge! Grab a friend or two and let's reclaim your power and authentic voice with our daily action steps. Click below to join for FREE! Here's to another week of living your life by design, not by default! Last week we talked about being vulnerable and I wanted to expand on that because, in my opinion, this world would be a much better place if more people were willing to be vulnerable and live their authentic lives.
But vulnerability...what does that mean? In my early years I equated it with weakness and opening yourself up to harm. I thought being vulnerable opens you up to judgement, which opens the door to shame; neither of which are any fun. One of my favorite teachers on this subject is Brené Brown. If you haven't watched her 2010 TEDx Houston talk, you should right now! It's one of the top ten most viewed TED talks in the world. If it resonates with you, read her book The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings on Authenticity, Connection, & Courage. In an interview with Forbes, Brené said the following: "Vulnerability is basically uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. I was raised in a “get ‘er done” and “suck it up” family and culture (very Texan, German-American). The tenacity and grit part of that upbringing has served me, but I wasn’t taught how to deal with uncertainty or how to manage emotional risk. I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity to name a few. Learning how to be vulnerable has been a street fight for me, but it’s been worth it." I can relate to every single word she said, well, other than being Texan lol. For me growing up, it wasn’t safe to be weak or let your emotions show, unless that emotion was anger. Expressing your feelings would lead to criticism & belittlement, so hiding your feelings was the less damaging thing to do. I learned how to be emotionally tough at a very young age, minimizing my own feelings & their value. I learned how to survive by always being calm, rational & level headed, not asking for help and not showing any weakness or vulnerability. I too lived in the world of black and white. It was my survival mechanism and served me for many years. But at what cost? What did I miss out on all those years? How many relationships, experiences and opportunities were impacted by my unwillingness to show up and be seen? I was in management roles from the age of 16. I was a hard worker and natural born leader, but had no real skills or experience leading teams. In those early years, I led with authority and refused to show any weaknesses. However, as I matured as a leader I learned a lot mostly from other poor leaders, but also from some great ones. It was evident that the best leaders are those who can connect with their teams on a personal level. It was when I began showing my vulnerability, sharing my fears and failures with my teams that I truly became an inspiring leader they wanted to follow. The same goes for family, friends and romantic relationships. They all grew and deepened when I was willing to come out from behind the mask and be vulnerable. Surface level investments will only get you surface level results. You must be willing to be vulnerable and let go of the shame to create lasting and meaningful relationships. As for experiences and opportunities, I hid from anything that would put me in the spotlight. I hated being the center of attention. There is a part of me still to this day that gets uncomfortable and worries if I'll be judged if I step forward. I've had to learn how to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. I regularly challenge myself to step outside my comfort zone, so as not to miss out on the experiences and opportunities life has to offer. I will forever be grateful to a mentor who introduced me to Brené's work, as it has impacted my life in profound ways. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have! Here's to another week of living your life by design, not by default! How often do you hide who you really are or refrain from saying what's actually on your mind because you're afraid of being judged? More often than not, we are so afraid of portraying the right image, the perfection, the "standard" that we lose ourselves and our own identity.
I fell into this trap too. Being from a very small farming community where everyone knows you and your business, I felt like I had to uphold a certain image to fit in and be accepted/approved of. I was raised with the belief that asking for help meant you were weak. As a single mom at 21, I had my share of struggles. However, I kept them to myself or within my close inner circle so as not to be judged. But the reality is WE ALL STRUGGLE! I was so hell bent on portraying an image of perfection and having my shit together that I missed out on enjoying my life, imperfection and all. You're not going to believe me, well unless you know me personally, but it took me losing two loved ones nine days apart to wake me up to the reality that I was not living my life. I wasn’t in the driver’s seat of my life. I wasn’t even in the back seat…I was in the TRUNK! I was emotionally, physically and mentally bankrupt. After that, I began implementing radical changes in my life. One of the most impactful changes was I stopped giving a f*ck! All of those beliefs I had from my childhood, all of the small town gossip, all of the nay-sayers and criticizers, I stopped giving my power to them. I recognized that the people who truly loved and cared about me knew that I wasn't perfect and loved me anyway. In fact, my most authentic relationships were with those I was willing to be imperfect and vulnerable with. So, I will leave you with this. Stop pretending to have your shit together and be the wonderfully messy, wildly imperfect authentic you! Those who love you for YOU will still be there, and those who don’t? Who cares. You don’t need them anyway. Here are three books I highly recommend on this subject:
Here's to another week of living your life by design, not by default! "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." ~ Jim Rohn
Who are the 5 people in your inner circle? Do they encourage, inspire and lift you up? Or are they always complaining, criticizing and vomiting negativity? We all have those people in our lives that we love dearly, but they drain us. Being an intuitive, I am heavily impacted by negative people and I've had to learn how to set healthy boundaries and in some cases, distance myself. How can you still love on those people, but also remain in integrity and protect yourself? Is it time to let them go? These are serious questions to ponder, because I guarantee they are having an impact on your life whether you realize it or not. It's a tough call, but one only you can make. Who should we surround ourselves with? Here are some of my essential must-haves:
There's also a great article about this in Success Magazine. It says these are the five friends you need in your inner circle:
Take some time this week to sit down and assess your inner circle. Make a pros and cons list or rate them 1-5 based on the suggestions above. Once done, evaluate your inner circle and see where there are gaps or where changes need to be made. As I stated earlier, you may need to let them go, or you may just need to set some healthy boundaries; do what's best for you. I host a self-development book club and we are currently reading A Tribe Called Bliss: Break Through Superficial Friendships, Create Real Connections, Reach Your Highest Potential by Lori Harder. It is a fantastic book that dives head first into female relationships, comparison, competition, isolation and how to find the tribe that was meant for you. Here's to another week of living your life by design, not by default! Are you managing your time or is time managing you? Seriously, who's leading the charge here? Chances are it's not you. We tend to let the day get away from us and then wonder how it's 10pm already.
When is the last time you strategized your day, week, month? I mean really sat down and planned out the tasks of each day based on priority. You're probably laughing at me right now, and that's ok. I would have laughed at me too a few years ago. But that all changed when I began being more mindful of how I spent my time. Here are some of the things I considered:
There will always be something that throws a wrench in your plans, so remember to be flexible and pivot when necessary. Keep in mind, we all have the same 24 hours in every day, it's what we do with them that counts! Here's to another week of living your life by design, not by default! As women and especially us mothers, we tend to take care of everyone else and stop loving on ourselves. Peace and quiet is longed for, but very rarely prioritized.
A few years ago, my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer. The doctors gave him 6 months to live. I was devastated; I desperately needed far more than 6 months. I am the second oldest of 16 grandchildren and my grandfather was not just my hero, he was also my biggest cheerleader. He always knew how to lift my spirits and constantly reminded me of the badass woman I am. Whenever I was feeling low or doubting myself, he's the person I would call. I was able to make two trips to visit him prior to his passing. The first visit was great, he was still feeling well and in good spirits. The second started off good, but he quickly deteriorated. By the time we left, he was incoherent. There is nothing more painful than watching someone you love melt away. I searched and searched for the words to express to him the impact he had on my life, but there are no words to convey that level of gratitude. All I could muster up was thank you and I love you, but I knew he understood what I was trying to say. He passed a couple days after we left. I've lost a lot of people I loved dearly, 10 major losses in 10 years to be exact, but the loss of my grandfather was monumental. I did what us high-achievers and type A personalities typically do...I buried myself in work and anything else that would keep me "busy" so I wouldn't have to face the reality. A few months after his passing, I was getting a massage and had a complete breakdown, ugly snot crying and all. UGH, that poor massage therapist! Here's the reality, I had not allowed myself any down time to process the grief and feel all the feels. I had just stuffed it down and kept busy hoping it would go away; that is until the day the dam broke. You can only mask the pain for so long. I know this is an extreme example, but what are you not allowing yourself to feel, what are you keeping busy to avoid, when is the last time you had a quiet moment to process your own thoughts and feelings? This week, I challenge you to take some time for you. Whether it be a massage or spa day, reading a book, take a long, hot bath with your favorite cocktail, or just taking a walk outside by yourself. We cannot serve from an empty cup; the more we neglect ourselves, the more our loved ones are missing out on the happy, authentic and wonderful human beings we are. <3 Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel. ~ Eleanor Brown Here's to another week of living your life by design, not by default! Welcome to the Rejuvenate Your Life Blog! I am excited to partner with you on this journey.
I, like many others, struggled with being overwhelmed and stressed out 99% of the time. I was a single mom with a full-time career. Being a Libra and nurturer, I was also the person who took care of everyone else; family, friends, co-workers, etc., leaving myself physically, emotionally and mentally bankrupt. In this blog, I will share with you some of the changes I made and strategies I implemented that radically transformed my life. Please keep in mind, just because these fit my lifestyle and worked for me, does not mean they are the right options for you. I say that because without flexibility, we will never be successful. So many people preach they have the "one size fits all" solution. I call BS! We are all uniquely different and face diverse challenges. Take these nuggets, use what fits, alter what doesn't and find the balance that is best for you. |
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